TECHNICAL DEFINITIONS:

486:  The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

State-of-the-art:  Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete:  Any computer you own.

Microsecond:  The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error:  Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

GUI (pronounced gooey):  What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip:  Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard:  The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse:  An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy:  The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive:  The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

Portable Computer:  A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash:  A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User:  Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update:  A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.